Pressure.
Fear comes as it closes in
Running down the wire.
You feel as though you'll mess up in the most embarrassing way.
You feel like if it comes any closer that you'll just explode
Into a million pieces.
You used to love the way it felt
It was my only expressional outlet.
The one thing that no one could take away because
No one could possibly love it more than I did.
It's exactly what I feared would happen if I came out of hiding.
Pressure.
Pressure closing in on me.
I have to get it perfect or I'll fail.
No grey areas.
Fear is pushing me into walls.
The ultimate claustrophobia.
Not walls in a room
But the walls in my head.
I work harder than I ever did for anything
Before, I could work as freely
lossely
and as emotionally free as I wanted
It was mine.
It was my perfect thing.
Now, it had me running from my life.
It was hard to remember the times that I didn't have to push myslef so hard
Because I didn't have those times anymore.
They were a luxury that I was miles away from getting to.
My mind becomes a rubix cube at the last minute and I clam up.
Ruining all of my chances for the future.
My dream future.
The pressure made it seem like I was running out of time.
My future was now and I had just ruined it.
This is the fear.
The wire runs thin
And I don't have the strength to jump.
Falling into infinite blackness.
This is the pressure.
Human dignity + compassion = Peace.