Near peace.

I don't usually write on the good days. 

But this, for whatever the reason seems to be an exception.

It's nice to be able to have faith in others. 

To release yourself from old ties, 

even if you find yourself trapped in them again at three.

For that split second there's what I would like to believe happiness feels like. 

I've probably felt it before without really identifying it.

I've been feeling some nostalgia, though you're still here. 

Though I don't think I've ever felt nostalgia for myself.

I never gave myself the right to feel it.

In fact, I did not give myself the right to feel

many emotions that I have rights to as simply a human being. 

I never felt warmth because I did not allow it in.

There is warmth in some yet, if you were to look. 

I may not have felt it because I looked in all of the wrong places. 

I will be leaving soon too. 

I am allowed to breathe a little too deep, 

for my lungs are mine to fill.

It is my right to become the person that I wish to be.

The only way to live is to live completely.

Letting in everything to let it out. 

And to let it out whenever I need to,

not just when no one's around.

These are my tears, 

the water I will no longer swallow,

as keeping in does not provide me with nourishment.

It is my right to appreciate in the way that I feel,

not identical to the love of any other person because 

my love is mine. 

And it will come and go as I see fit,

not as others demand it. 

You are not mine,

and you do not need to be because I own myself, 

before anyone else does. 

Your love is not necessary today,

because I'm feeling a bit disparate to the me that I was yesterday.

The aching in my chest feels a bit like snow flakes.

It goes with the wind, 

because it's okay to need a guide. 

And I'm okay following it for now. 

I may not accept all of the help that I should,

but the bit that I've taken is more than you'd have ever given me. 

I don't think what I'm feeling is spiteful,

because I've nothing against you.

At least not anymore. 

Strange...

It doesn't hurt like it used to. 

And yesterday was brutal.

Yesterday was without a doubt one of the bad days. 

It was wretched and the magic number three

held more pain an hour than I'd ever felt in sixteen years. 

Mind you, this feeling is just for now.

The day isn't over yet, but I appreciate it in heaps anyway. 

I've not been able to breathe this easily in so long. 

I feel almost at peace. 

Completely at peace would be freakishly unnatural,

but this...

This is okay. 

It almost feels like I might survive without you.

It might be hard at first,

as it even has been while you're still here. 

But after that, 

I think I might be okay. 

At least for the brevity of the bat of an eyelash,

things might have a streak of gentleness in them.

A sense of tenderness that I have not known,

but may discover. 

Human Dignity + Compassion = Peace.