Little anxious.

Shaky breaths and hesitant hands that lost feeling a few minutes ago.

These are the symptoms of holding back.

Nervous at the gentle tap on your shoulder,

scared that it may ask you to actually speak. 

Grasping both sides of the railing on a staircase

to steady yourself from your unstable thoughts. 

I doubt you were ready for the waterfall to spill over like maple syrup,

slow but quick impact where you aimed it to. 

Instantly longing to down them back inward

like the pancakes you just dressed so handsomely. 

This is how you feared things would go if you actually spoke. 

Everything coming out wrong, 

not knowing what to do when it does. 

Wrong things happen to you everyday,

you're just not used to being directly responsible for them. 

You start to pick at your nails, nervous habit,

I wouldn't imagine you consciously knowing about it now. 

This is only the first stage of your impending mass hysteria.

Step two is the excruciating pain in your stomach, 

where you stop eating and throw up in the morning

from the dreams and mares about what you'd just done. 

Fear of wanting to change the past impacting your present a bit too much.

Now you're just thinking a bit too much.

Slow your roll. 

Right now, 

you're in your bedroom,

alone. 

None of this has happened yet.

The racing of your heart isn't necessary now, 

you haven't become a threat to your soul yet. 

In fact, you've done nothing. 

This is a manifestation of the fear that

you will make your pain so much worse that it already is. 

This scares you out of your pants and streaking down the block into your best friend's toilet,

wishing to flush yourself down through it.

At times, I'm sure that would be a lot better than the panic you feel right now.

The anxiousness is a bit too much, and you don't exactly know how to stop that.

But you haven't stopped breathing yet, so you must be doing something right,

or lacking the action of something too wrong at the moment.

This sounds like it should be enough.

Boy, I wish it was. 

These are the times I wish humans were

self-sufficient creatures, never in need of any real social interaction. 

Man, I'd be great at it if it were allowed. 

But alas, I don't think I can firefight my way out of this terror.

As much as I'm breathing I wish it were a little slower.

This feeling of panic is managable, but I wouldn't call it ideal.

On the plus side, 

you remain oblivious. 

Human Dignity + Compassion = Peace.