I'm halfway sorry that I ever laid eyes on you in the first place.
I wonder who I would have been had I not have.
A whole chunk of who I am would be filled with this mysterious substance
and while I try not to care for what it might have been,
I've found myself regretting the wasted time that my heart spent crunching and squashing
just trying so hard to squeeze a way near you.
I realize that there are so many things that never needed to happen to me
all because I thought that there were possibilities that
even science could have proven impossible.
But my headspace is just too different now and
I wouldn't dare change it back for any instance where
you could have cared for me as well.
But I have yet to find a soul who would love as well as I can.
I wonder how long it'll be until I find someone else that I can open up to like this again.
It was hard enough the first time so I don't know how much worth something like this holds.
I am not a malleable metal that shines only when you glance in my direction.
In fact had I been given the choice,
you wouldn't have looked at me at all.
Maybe just for insurance you would have been born blind.
But since that seems all too harsh I would devise a blanket.
It would be your least favorite color in its most beautiful shade
and I perhaps none of this would have mattered as much.
I'll give you your rib back if it was ever mine just so that
you would be satisfied with the self that you have.
I beg of you,
please take your eyes back.
Please do not know that I lived,
and forget that I ever breathed in your direction.
You are going to live your life the way that you were meant to without me.
I hope that your heart expands four sizes and the green of your eyes stops mattering.
I want to say goodbye without needing to say goodbye
and boy oh boy do I wish upon wishes that you never ask me.
I have no answer for you and perhaps you never need one.
I wish you luck finding another with possible theories and conspiracies.
But I can really no longer allow you to matter.
Human Dignity + Compassion = Peace.