A cynical skin

I always find it strange when I start to feel something that I hadn't felt in a long time, 

and then when it hits, it hurts so much more than it did to start. 

And while it hasn't completely harshed my mellow, 

I'm hitting a slight slump in the emotions that I can sense in my mind. 

It was kind of like I had this dream where I was an actual functioning human,  

but now I'm starting to feel the ink from my forehead stamp that read "False alarm"-

and not in terms of pregnancy- seep into my all-too-open pores. 

It wasn't something that was slammed into my skull like most bad news,

but the searing cold black ink dark enough to mar skin without discrimination of any kind. 

Funny, I forgot the social justice warrior that pain was.

A royal bitch to any and everyone, regardless of gender, race, and sexuality. 

I've never been so disappointed in being a part of such an accepting group. 

Then that one solid feeling starts to spread like the most cynical smile

and it revolutionalizes my way of thought until it was my fault entirely. 

Perhaps it was my ill doing that I hadn't noticed until now. 

Or better yet, a sign that I should back away from the fire completely and ensure that

I don't even get a whiff of it again. 

If there were any reason to believe that I'm fine, I'd love to be seeing it right about now. 

The clacking of keys and the sound of previously soothing voices

don't really make me feel as bundled up from my own tundra like they should. 

There have been no broken promises, in fact this was the most predictable outcome that I could've whipped up if I'd been given the whole situation to begin with. 

And although my view is still bleared as my eyes from crying, 

I think that the bleak part of my outlook shows to be evident at all times. 

Sometimes it's nice to know that there are permanent parts of you that never change. 

As much as I was trying to vote against it in my mind, 

I've never seen a better time than now to embrace the cynical skin that I've been living in. 

Upon looking directly at the definition of the word, 

that seems like the brightest option I have toward enlightenment of my mind-set. 

I know that I'd had hints of this in me from the beginning of my social interactions, 

but now I want to take the lever of balance and shift it completely in my favor. 

Now, somewhere in my mind I'm aware that this may not be the best option, 

but also, I don't think that I care that much anymore. 

That cynical smile is full after all,

and my mother always told me to make sure that my teeth were pearly and white. 

Human Dignity + Compassion = Peace.