That one time that I went to the gym (voluntarily)

I tried exercise for the first time last Thursday.

I can safely say, I will never understand your obsession with it. 

To get my heart going that fast, 

I need only think about if I left the curling iron on at home,

or the different paths that my life will take before inevitably ending in

complete and utter disaster. 

And to have myself this sore, 

I can do laps around the same embarrassing thing that I did that one time

that I just kind of stopped discussing because there are still so many things about me

that I don't even let ME talk about anymore. 

And to sweat this much,

there's the fact that things could come flying apart at any given moment,

regardless of any reassurance from you that they won't. 

To have to shower for this long,

I need only remember that I can never wash my brain enough to 

forget the scratch marks that you left on what used to be rosehips, 

but are now fortresses of thorns and thistles that you water 

each time you avoid my eyes. 

And shopping for those clingy outfits that somehow make the whole endeavor easier

just to be reminded of the fact that no amount of money can pay for the damages 

to my ribs when you ripped out whatever you could find in one swift plunge of your hand. 

And all of a sudden I wondered why anyone would do this at all to begin with.

The shape of my body would improve only as my thoughts became

more and more distorted until they seemed as though they were beaten to a bloody pulp. 

All of these side effects began to worry me. 

So I asked someone who seemed to be into this type of thing, 

and I never got a clear answer as he gestured generously to his abs. 

But, as someone with the ability to extrapolate data sucessully, 

I think that the process is what does it for you. 

The chisled physique is worth all of the ache,

all for the sake of appearances. Huh.

Now, 

I've never been the ideal beauty,

but for the most part, my life's been pretty happy without paying attention to that fact.

So later on that week, 

I drove to the gym (regretably, because I live within walking distance of it),

and I cancelled my membership.

New Year's resolution be damned, 

I'd never been so glad to be unhealthy in my life. 

Human Dignity + Compassion = Peace.