I think it's almost gone.
I think the care that I once harbored for you is
finally beginning to tarnish on its own.
The gears in my mind aren't working the way that they once did.
There was the one widget that ensured that I didn't steer too far from the path
that my mother and I had planned when I was bordering my terrible twos.
This one remained,
but I changed my path away from that one because it no longer made me happy.
There was another that made strides at keeping my heart in motion,
although the job was never done well enough.
The fatigue in my eyes has begun to wither.
My least favorite gear was that of which made me long and struggle to gain
what I knew that I was never meant to obtain in the first place.
This guy's gotten a bit rusty,
too many bad days to be had.
I used to have this incessant care toward the way that other people thought and saw me.
Now I've made sure that he has no time to work his way counter-clockwising
the limited apathy that I once refused to allow myself.
The factors that once told me to slow,
to, at the very least, try to understand that people might care
have been shut off as a light switch.
To be completely realistic,
it doesn't feel as heartless as it is.
I feel almost fine, which is much more than I had before.
No one noticed, probably because the switch happened in my mnd.
I suppose when you kick the horse with enough frequency,
the horse develops PTSD and it goes on about his life.
I would like my recovery wrapped in a cardboard box.
But on it,
I'd rather have pale blue paper and the only thing of any type of glamour
being the coffee stained colored bow.
The bitterness of my wreckless awakening may fall last on me,
but a superfluous part of me hopes above hope that someone else notices it too.
Maybe no one cares to look that closely into me anymore.
Being frank,
I'm really not sure if that's a bad or a good thing.
This really is being alive then,
trying to look to yoursef for everything and obtaining the knowledge that no one else will
because they try to do the same for themselves.
Human Dignity + Compassion = Peace.