Wait for it.

Many times, 

things are learned in the most painful ways. 

And I need to release this because

all around me are all too sick of it. 

In actuality, I should be smiling right now... 

Wait for it. 

I should be so happy that you're forgetting about me

so that I can do the same for you. 

Shame that this is the only way to relieve this

ugly throbbing in my chest. 

This should be okay. 

I should be okay with all of this. 

But for whatever the reason, 

it feels as though my heart is actually bleeding almost?

And yes that's a question friends because

beside the obvious atomic flaw that lies within the description, 

I'm just a superfluous teenaged girl-

this makes no sense. 

I shoud be brimming with such content regards. 

I should be filled with apathy and 

content with my fleetin youth. 

But no.

Instead, my stomach is a clogged up toilet and 

the food I once enjoyed comes up like chunky disappointment. 

I almost miss myself, selfish and disgustin as it sounds. 

Well, I suppose that could use some revision. 

I miss the  lack of emotion that I once cradled for others. 

I refuse to blame kindness. 

I made a vow of kindness to myself because

my hatred for the spite that is already in the world is far too grand. 

But if the good inside me still fills me with pain, 

am I not adding to the negative well?

I suppose kindness begs too much from the giver of it. 

Perhaps I just need a nap- minute as it appears. 

Perhaps in some alternate universe, 

none of this persists. 

Straining is the sile with salt water. 

I should feel liberated. 
There is no longer any possibility of you ever belonging to me. 

While this hurts more than anything I've ever known 

for whatever the reason, 

I need to rotate this gorging horde of pain that is far from the gorgeous that I could've been.

But the thoughts closing in and clashing in my mind with the 

"Chin up, shoulders back, hold your composure"

are slowly strangling me from the inside and I couldn't tell you why or how. 

I long to be happy for you, trust me I do- but this just hurts.

As uncomfortable as it makes you when I'm in pan.

You fear that you can never help me, 

I wish you only knew.

Neither can I. 

Human Dignity + Compassion = Peace.