Timing

Different people need different support systems, 

though mine's been a bit hesitant lately. 

I've needed to take the fifteen steps I took to letting you in back.

My mind is no longer the place that you long to be in,

and while that's acceptable,

I still need to learn what it is to let you go.

I will learn what it is to let someone in again at some other time.

Right person, wrong time.

It's such a shame that timing is everything.

Perhaps because we have so little of it to live through. 

Funny, the way timing is so fickle.

The thing is, no one will ever know if this is how we were meant to end things. 

Timing requires a strong sense of faith given by an individual,

or in this case, two. 

Perhaps it was even the wrong person at the right time.

I will never, ever know. 

The only reason I need to make sense of it is because it'll drive me up a wall if I don't.

I'm nuts enough without this engrained the forefront of my thoughts. 

My heart will age as fast as it wants to, 

or it is meant to. 

Sometimes I might need some help mending it,

and I need to accept that it can't be you anymore.

I am at the bottom of your list of priorites once again,

I'm a face you pass by without a second thought. 

I almost wish I wasn't.

No, I definitely wish that I wasn't.

But you have someone else that needs you like I used to (and still do),

and the only difference is that I won't be getting the support.

I need to be a little self-reliant at the moment,

which has never been my stongest suit.

But perhaps that's what losing friends teaches you;

that no one is permanent and meant to matter the same way for the rest of your lives.

And for some reason, that's alright. 

I'm not meant to know the reasoning behind this, 

and maybe I really don't want to know. 

Some things truly are better to never be known.

This too-long period of thinking has healed at least a bit of my mind, I'd like to think.

Or perhaps I've just been pondering pointless ideas.

It wouldn't surprise me if none of the thoughts I think of now

have an impact on the rest of my life,

but I like to think that they do.

That somehow, the person I am right now has a purpose for the one I am in the future. 

The aloof person I am to be soon.

She's aloof now, though that's another thing I really don't need to know right now.

I have no desire to know who I will be someday.

None. 

At all.

I want her to be as unpredictable to me as anyone else.

Though I hope somethings are the same about her.

I hope she values kindness just as much.

I know for a fact that her heart will never be as tender,

but I hope that the strength she acquires is one of softness.

I cannot ask her for anything, for she owes me nothing at the moment.

I hope she knows the solutions to the problems I face now,

so that this is the last time I must face them with no plans of coping. 

I hope she learns with her mind, and listens more to it than her heart.

Because truly, 

emotions and logic are both in the mind,

we just like to blame the heart in the name of cowardice.

Times where we could have used logic, but never did.

I hope that she knows the difference.

I hope that she now knows to let people go, 

but also to allow them back in faith that this is how things were meant to be.

I hope she has faith in what she does not know.

Because there may never be a time when she knows it at all.

Human Dignity + Compassion = Peace.