Teenage informal #1.

So you're moving on. Cool. 

That's chill.

Yeah, I'm completely fine with that sure.

That is if we just overlook my sleeping habits completely.

Actually, if you just forget my thoughts in general I've never been better. 

I'm pretty sure I went nuts a while ago,

but that's cool.

Sorry I pushed you away for a while there,

I felt a bit anxious (that's an understatement my dudes) 

and I didn't really want you to see me like that.

But then when I saw you with her,

you saw me in

byfar the worst state of mind that I've ever been in,

and you did nothing.

I should congratulate you, really.

Great job on moving past the loving, kind girl with some issues 

to a different one where the only difference is that she has different issues. 

Quite frankly I might not be the easiest to deal with,

but I like to think that I'm worth it. 

In actuality I'm not a usual teenager, 

everything about that proves my claim.

The fact that I call that a claim proves my claim.

But because I'm not a usual teenager, 

I have the mental maturity to know that there was never anything wrong with me.

I'm a beautiful soul that's got some holes in it like a cute pair of boyfriend jeans. 

In total truth, 

what probably happened was that my way of loving 

didn't give you that happiness that hers does. 

And dude... That sucks. 

And I say "that sucks", but I am by no means unsophisticated. 

I know a zillion and one ways to tell you that it sucks. 

I am a young girl,

with a load of angst being dragged behind her like dirty laundry.

Mind you,

since I've been carrying it for so long,

I felt that I needed to find new ways to label it. 

I've expressed the pain I've felt behind this in every formal metaphor that I've whipped up.

But I had never tried using plain, straight-forward English. 

It couldn't hurt to simply try.

So here. 

It sucks that my type of love wasn't right for you.

And it sucks that I have to watch her get the love that I had always wanted.

It is completely horrible to watch you smile down into her brown eyes and be happy 

while I drown myself in some camomile tea and

maybe even some tears if it's a really good day. 

But they're not good days for me,

 they're a sixty-five degree slightly cloudy day in April for you,

and that sucks. 

You know what else about this sucks?

Knowing that I'm so far below her on your priority list,

and how painstakingly obvious it is that I no longer matter to you.

Golly have you ever heard of a sugar coat...

I appreciate your honesty,

but man could you make the truth hurt any more?

It sucks feeling like your trash,

like that annoying teddy bear with the holes in it that you used to love,

but you got a new ipod and you don't need to snuggle with your teddy bear anymore.

Guess what? 

That sucks. 

I refused to let myself be angry and just

sort of went right to sad because that's what I had prepared for, 

but that was probably the worst idea that could have ever sprouted from my mind. 

Now the blue from the sad just mixed with the red in the wrath,

and the little bit of puke green from the joy to make this hideous,

poorly mixed brown. 

That color's exactly how all of this makes me feel.

The best part is,

nobody cares.

After the first few days, 

everyone begins to forget that you're experiencing mass heartache,

and they go about their lives. 

In reality, everyone has something or someone better to deal with.

Am I angry? 

You know,

at this point,

I might be. 

I'm not sure if that's such a bad thing to be.

I am not staying like this, no sir.

But now that I'm actually angry,

I can lie and say that I want to kick you right out of my life. 

I'm way too dramatic, and I don't need you to be hurt behind my mess-

oh right the self-deprecating part of my mind comes in here. 

But guess who doesn't care?

You. 

And that was way too predictable,

but I really couldn't care less. 

This is an open forum.

I'm glad that I can feel whatever I need to here.

It hurts.

It's not anger,

it's hurt.

A lot of it, too.

I can't lift it,

and everyone's too tired of hearing it to have the strength to rehabilitate me.

*News flash*

Being left behind by you sucks. 

But other than that,

and so much worse than that,

it hurts.

Human Dignity + Compassion = Peace.