The major souveiner of a terrible year

After shivering for so long, 

it feels decent to be able to stop.

I'm not sure I mind the fact that I haven't moved from my lying position yet.

The floor sure doesn't mind me here. 

I've gotten about every look that I could have been given for staying here. 

I know that it's been too long since I've fully stood up in my own bones,

but I know that they truly did need the rest. 

Perhaps when I need to, 

I'll be able to rely on them again. 

I hope that I don't find myself here again,

but I know that sadly, 

there are a plethora of floors beneath this one that

I can melt through to the rock beneath it all.

I will lie here in the cushion of the ground for a short while longer.

And in the absence of all that I knew, I will know other things.

And in the absence of knowing anything else, 

things will know me, 

whether I allow them to or not. 

The stereotypes were inredibly right. 

It was a life that I loved and a life that I will now need to leave. 

It's the same life, 

in the same chapter,

but with a shift in the tone.

I loved it as a favorite book,

but like any good book,

it wore itself out over time. 

My heart aches for the words that I no longer have the chance to re-read,

but I hope that they ease the pain of someone else.

It wasn't somethng I needed to plan, 

and I'm glad that I didn't because I'd have healed naturally. 

It's not my responsibility to ensure that people are kind,

nor is it mine to assume that they are.

I'm almost okay with the constant absence of loved ones and lovers

that never became my own.

Eventually I refused to need them.

I can't need them anymore.

There is a life to live and seeing everyone else living it shouldn't scare me anymore.

The long time coming of me realizing that I have my own pulse

has the uncanny resmeblance of a bird realizing that it has functioning wings. 

I hadn't used mine in far too long which is infuriating. 

Releasing the pain I once held so dear might just let me exceed my limits 

and reach my full potential. 

The limit of my mind has been underestimated and tested in the myriad of ways 

all of which I have passed with flying colors by failing them.

Rejection forces intrusion and although persistence encourages impatience,

It will be well worth it as success prevails.

The man behind the failure will always prevail amongst the failure itself.

Learning prevents the same failure,

but failure will always be inevitable.

I long for acceptance but that will only be something that

I can give myself by allowing myself to be seen. 

I will be seen by all, 

because not all will choose to see. 

However, 

I will continue to be grateful for my own eyes 

as I begin to see myself.

Human Dignity + Compassion = Peace.