Back when that was what I NEEDED.

I've spent most of my time 

wondering what it is exactly that I've been spending most of my time doing. 

What has corrupted me so?

I was once such a fine machine, 

with ananlogous grace to that of a liberal butterfly. 

And over what seems to be too much time, 

I have become what I wished that I would never become, 

and somehow the rest of me has seemed to have made such peace with it. 

I used to NEED success in everything that I did, no matter what it seemed to be. 

I killed so much of myself in the name of effort and work. 

I wish to do that again, but it's far too late. 

It's like seeing a parade that's coming up, 

and instantly, you want to be a part of it.

And all of a swift sudden, you're swept into a coma. 

Now, as your soul rekindles like the fire that once raged, 

the parade has come and vanished before your closed eyes. 

It seems as though all of the signs become one huge 

reminder of the missed oppertunity. 

The events themselves were out of your singular control, 

but you body was. 

You could've woken up, 

merely for one inconsequential second, 

just to see the marching band out of you window. 

Just to almost feel the sun telling you that you were actually doing something. 

Feeling something. 

But now, in the mere remains of confetti and streamers, 

with the papers damp, folded and faded scattered out by the rain. 

Even just to have been there for that glorious rain, it'd have been fine. 

In the muddle state of mind from my coma, 

I could feel all of the people speaking into my unconscious self. 

I missed so much. 

So much of my own self. 

It sound absurd and illusory,

but people can truly miss themselves. 

If only I had woken up sooner.

Perhaps I could have been even better.

Now I have all of the water from that rain 

drowning me in the things that I could have once done.

A year confined in the spongy walls of my mind. 

Never had I felt so uncomfortable in what I used to call my own. 

I could have worked harder at fighting my own tendencies. 

My own comatose. 

I was in it for myself. 

It's easy to fail someone else. 

But when you shrink into your own body, 

the near impossible failing of yourself happens. 

It was like watching someone take over my soul for eight months. 

Talking, walking, breathing and beating. 

But ruining everything. 

Human Dignity + Compassion = Peace.