It was really hot, but I'm glad that I have no sweat glands.

As much of a person in the life business that I've tried to become,

I really can't deny that I feel like there's been such an extreme death.

Like, I can't just check my phone for things that you'll never say to me,

and I should really stop jumping every time that it rings because

waiting for your heart to start up again is like waiting for a drop

of my sanity in this world of hurt and numbed out feelings

that I wouldn't dare come close to touching anymore. 

Somehow in the midst of a drought you created a pool of toxic waste 

and maybe it was my fault because I was the one who felt anything in the first place,

but you left it there until it was the rotting mess of substance that still lives in my body because believe it or not,

some of us still need to drink in order to stay alive

in the midst of all of this chaos of a societal desert. 

I gave you the last of any water that I would ever get and 

you put it to use but the thing was, 

it was all for you-

a fact that made you happier than I ever could have. 

For some reason,

I was waiting for so long for that surprise factor. 

With you I was spontaneous in my kindness, 

somehow I never felt the need to hold back,

and I didn't even care enough to notice that my

eyelids were starting to feel like sandpaper 

as I wouldn't see you for the mirage that you are

until long after it was too late to save myself. 

You know, I had always admired armadillos, 


I kind of wish that I hadn't become the shell of myself that I saw everytime

I would gladly inhale dust. or slowly down this

eerie black pool that I had left to drown my abandoned sorrows in. 

I've been swimming in it for so long I stopped bothering to look at the tainted hue of my skin because I'm fairly certain that I've permanentally altered it beyond reapir. 

And after finally calling after you one last time before you found your oasis,

I have the overwhelming urge to allow everything in my to dry out.

Who knows? 

Maybe I'll meet a very nice cowboy

with an affinity for taxadermy and I'll be forever memorialized as a teddy bear. 

And after a while of having been abandoned in this open range,

I thought that then would be the time to embrace

the optimism that I knew would never matter.

And I suppose that from the absence of you 

will allow me to refurnish the home of my mind and I will never know 

how you repaired yours, if you ever needed to at all.

I like to think that you did,

but like I said,

I'll never know. 

Human Dignity + Compassion = Peace.